the signs as things i’ve heard them say pt 4

thefrozenseainsideus:

Aries: “they’re all scared but then the thing is that i’m scary so it’s a perfect fit” 

Taurus: “that’s me, i’m the surprise cannibal in the corner”

Gemini: “you know, commas aren’t even relevant anymore” 

Cancer: “my figurative tit is exposed! god, my metaphorical bosom!” 

Leo: “sorry, i didn’t mean to yell at your vagina. i just wanted to get her attention.” 

Virgo: “yeah, you know i’m really friendly when i want people to leave and then die” 

Libra: “i’m catholic in the aesthetic sense, in that i also like opulent things, and crying tears of blood”

Scorpio: “guys, like my post. i want everyone to hear that i ate the wasps”

Sagittarius: “no! the glue-eating is a metaphor for my irrelevance!”

Capricorn: “i have a heart of pure alabaster. like it’s see-through, but it’s cold” 

Aquarius: “i think at this point you’re old enough to arrange your own damn marriage” 

Pisces: “you know, i think i’d be really good at being god”